you dont even resemble your pictures from 3 years ago. i just looked at the one where youre sort of smiling with a hand covering your mouth, blonde hair, u look real sweet and innocent there, baby fat and all.
at the market a few days ago someone i know but havent seen for a long time almost didnt recognize me and said “what happened to u?” like i got sick with a life threatening disease or something. boo said people really wont recognize me now. im skeletal and shaven headed bald and sunburnt. i used to have jesus and mary chain hair and chubby cheeks but i know its more than looks i know how fucked up inside ive become. i was mincing garlic earlier and thought what a wretched person i am. i wonder if i should just kill myself. im not suicidal though.
i havent talked to a single person the whole day today. i just did laundry, cooked, all the time listening to music. lana del rey i just discovered. shes really dark. then some mike watt-the album with many guests, neil young 70s albums real dark shit. not talking to people forces you to talk with yourself and thats when the bad shit surfaces.